Back in da days
by The Plaid Hatter
Summary: The story of a young boy who just needs to find his way throughout the epic trials of being a super star. Sorry...for a second I thought I was supposed to be serious. Screw that. Just enjoy the story.
1. Just another day

I do not own Blues clues. believe me that show would be wierd if i did.

Chapter one

just another day

Steve walked down the hallway of his school. If he were late to science again, Mr. Felt would kill him. Across the hall came Bob and his gang of football players.

"So Steve, play any games lately?"

"No, not really."

Bob and his friends laughed. Steve sped up his pace, trying to avoid the bullies.

"Come on Steve, my mom goes to the same salon as your mom and she said that you play this stupid game with your discolored dog."

Steve stopped in his tracks. His face reddened and his fists started to ball up.

"First of all, Blue isn't discolored, she is a blue spanniel which is a very rare breed! And secondly, Blues Clues isn't a stupid game, it's fun and it helps the children who live next to me learn!"

There was an odd silence.

"Then why do you have conversations with your salt and pepper?"

The entire hallway bursted in laughter.

"And what's this?"

Bob grabbed the handy dandy notebook and before Steve could react he opened it and flashed the drawings to every bystander. The laughter was uncontrolable now.

"Look at Steve's pretty little pictures everyone. Isn't this drawing of a camera the best."

Steve reached for his notebook, but Bob held it up so high, Steve couldn't reach it.(Poor little short Steve.) Just then, someone took the notebook from Bob's hand and returned it to Steve. It was Joe, Steve's little brother.

"Why don't you go to class now Bob," Joe said with persistance. Today he was special. Today he was the hall moniter, the protector of justice!

"Great, more freaks. Listen, I have to go now, but I'll kick your butt later Steve. Believe me. Not even your little doggy will be able to help you."

Bob and his friends tromped down the hallway. The tardy bell echoed throughout the softmore hall.

"Great, now I'm late."


	2. American idol sux

Chapter Two

Steve limped down the sidewalk to his house. He had been kicked in both legs and punched in both shoulders once by each member of the football, basketball, tennis, lacrosse, golf, and chess team.

"What's the matter, Steve?" asked Jessica, Steve's fourteen year old neighbor/best bud.

"Oh nothing," He sighed, "just got beat up by the entire athletics department."

"Again? Well I know what'll make you feel better."

"Some Icy hot and a bottle of aspirin?"

"No silly," Jessica playfully punched Steve on the arm making him wince in pain, "Ramon noodles!"

"Oh joy." Steve said sarcastically.

"I'm just trying to help Steve." Jessica was getting really grumpy.

Steve's other friends, Christine, Kim, and Ashley, came up. "What's going on?" Christine asked.

"Steve got beat up by the athletics department."

"Again!" exclaimed Ashley.

Joe skipped down the street happily. He was wearing a burgundy uniform and held a baton. He was marching proudly and would be admired by his friends if he weren't being pelted with eggs.

"Hey guys." Joe said happily to his friends.

"Uh Joe," Ashley started, "are you aware that you are being attacked with eggs?"

"Oh, that's just the guys hazing me." Joe explained.

"Hazing?" asked Jessica.

"Yeah," he began, "I joined the marching band and I'm the baton twirler. These football players are just hazing me."

"Why me?" asked Ashley slapping herself in the face.

An egg then flew astray and smacked itself into Steve's face. Another egg hit Kim in the forehead.

"Oh he no!" she screamed and chased after the laughing jocks. The guys, sadly, got away before she caught them.

"Maybe I should get started on those noodles." Jessica suggested nervously.

The six sat around the table enjoying shrimp flavored Ramon noodles. Christine sat next to Joe blushing. It was no secret that she liked Joe, well it was no secret to anyone who had a brain (FYI, Joe never caught on).

When they were all done the four girls and Joe sat on the floor in front of the thinking chair in which Steve resided.

"We need a new idea for the next show." Steve said to them.

Joe raised his hand

"Yes, Joe."

"How about we do one on shapes!" he suggested.

"We've already done one on shapes." Said Kim.

Joe raised his hand again.

"How about we do one on colors!"

"Once again, Joe, we've already done one on colors. We've done one on letters and numbers and friendship and holiday religions. God, what's next? Politics?"

"Yeah," Steve formed the plan in his head, "we could have a mock election and teach the children about the true meaning of patriotism"

"Nah," they all said at once.

"Look, Blue's got an idea." Christine pointed to Blue who was holding up a magazine article about _American Idol_.

"We should have a musical!" Joe exclaimed.

"Already done." Jessica said sadly.

"No, she means we should make a band." Said Steve, his eyes fixated on the article. This was no ordinary article; I was an advertisement for the brand new _American Idol Karaoke Contest_.

"Not doing it," Ashley said with her arms crossed, "I despise of _American Idol_."

"I do too, but we can use it to get rich and famous."

Imaginary dollar signs replaced Ashley's pupils as she accepted.

"Now what are we going to call our band?" asked Steve who had been drawing uniform ideas in his handy dandy notebook. They were in the garage going over the plans.

"We should call it Blue's Clues." Ashley said sarcastically, mocking the thirty-minute television show they filmed each Saturday and sold to Nick Junior.

"Great idea." Said Jessica as she and Kim lugged in the equipment.

They soon set it up and began rehearsal. They, as you may have guessed, stunk.

"We suck." Kim said sadly. Joe and Steve gasped at when the word 'suck' was uttered. Christine quickly covered Joe's ears.

No matter how much they sucked and how much flaming bags of dog crap were discovered during practice, they vowed to never give up. The day approached soon and they waited back stage. They were all nervous and sweaty, all except Joe who was eating all of the food on the snack table.

"Next we have the band Blue's Clues." Simon read, he turned to the fake blonde chick and whispered, "what kind of bloody he name is that?"

"Beats me. They're just a bunch of high schoolers." She replied.

"Probably nerds," suggested the fat black dude.

The band apprehensively walked up on stage and took their places. Joe and Kim were on guitar. Ashley had the drums. Jessica and Christine were backup singers. Jessica was also the keyboard person thingy. Steve, of course, was the lead singer.

"This is a little something I like to call _So long_." Steve said into the microphone hoarsely.

Ashley did the countdown with her drumsticks and the background music began.

"Now it's time for so long," Steve sang with all his heart and soul, "but we'll sing just one more song. Thanks for doing you part you sure are smart. You know with me and you and my dog, Blue, we can do any thing that we want to doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Simon wiped a tear from his eye; "In all of my years I have never heard someone sing like you. Kelly Clarkson, Kimberly Loch, Fantasia, Trai Atkins, they would all…laugh at you miserably."

"What?" said Steve astonished.

"Let me put it in words you might understand better. You sucked like Paris Hilton in Chip n' Dale's."

Steve went to sleep that night with tears in his eyes and wondered why Simon had mentioned two innocent cartoon chipmunks.

Thanks to all the folks who reviewed. Hope I get lots more. Till next chapter, this is Jessie Giles signing off !


	3. Plans and Plots

The long awaited chapter is here! Everyone rejoice at it! Rejoice, I say! Oh, and I don't own any copyrighted things in this chapter. 

Chapter Three

The group sat in Steve's kitchen one day after school eating graham crackers and milk. Christine giggle when she saw Joe's milk mustache. When Ashley saw the graham cracker and the cup of milk in front of her, she rolled her eyes and pulled out a cigarette.

Steve's cup of milk shook as he pulled it up for a sip. Jessica had told them all to meet in his kitchen after school. She said she had something important to tell them, but what?

Finally, Jessica came into the kitchen with a ripped up envelope and a sad look on her face. When Joe saw the tears in her eyes, he began to cry, and Christine began to cry when Joe began to cry. Blue began to cry as well as Steve and Kim. Ashley ignored them and puffed on her smoke.

"I have bad news, everyone." Jessica said.

The group leaned forward as Jessica told them that Nick Junior was pulling the plug on Blue's Clues at the end of the season unless the ratings went up.

"Why can't the ratings go up?" Joe asked innocently.

"Because their impendent like you," Ashley mumbled. Joe gave her an odd look while Christine and Blue glared at her.

Christine looked at Blue and Blue looked at Christine. They had once been enemies battling for Joe's heart, but today they were allies ready to kill Ashley.

"What are we going to do?" Steve asked, trying to change the topic.

Jessica smiled. From her book bag, she pulled out a notebook. She thumbed through it until she found a file marked 'emergency cancellation' written in purple crayon.

"Plan A, We have an episode special."

"Pass," Steve sighed. "That American Idol episode," Steve paused as Simon's criticism rang in his ears, "was our special."

Jessica flipped the page, "Plan B, we add a new character."

Everyone's mouth dropped. It was perfect. All they had to do was send some KY lotion and a pack of smokes to Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper and, four days later, there was the new character in the Blue's Clues family; Paprika.

Meanwhile, Blue and Christine were outside talking to Shovel and Pail.

"How much?" Christine asked in a dark voice.

"Five grand, take it or leave it." Pail said.

"Bark, bark?" Blue asked.

"Dead by nightfall, and none of it will point to you," Shovel answered.

Christine and Blue took a minute to talk it over. They would have to mow a lot of lawns to pay for personal assassins, but it would be worth it so save their precious Joe's dignity.

Christine gave Pail a fifty dollar down payment. Shovel stepped in.

"I said you give us a down payment of fifty dollars and a pack of Oreo's." Shovel said.

Pail nodded, "You trying to swindle us?"

Blue dropped a pack of Oreo's on the ground. Shovel opened it and licked the cream from one. "Yep, this is the good stuff."

"Double stuffed," Pail added.

"We gotta deal?" Christine asked.

Shovel smiled wolfishly.


	4. Just Filler

Chapter Four

**Author's Note: I'm gonna be honest and say that I have no frigin clue where this story is going. The only reason I am finishing it and not deleting it and burning printed copies of it is because 1. I don't like to give up on things 2. The story makes my friends mad and 3. I am very bored. I promise now that I will finish the story, I'll try to kill some more people, and I'll do something off the wall. I don't know what the off the wall thing is right now, but I'll find think about it. Oh, I _will_ think about it.**

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Our Blue's Clues pals found that they were getting ever closer to the end of the season, closer to the end of the show, and closer to the end of their careers. Jessica was getting frustrated with her actors for not capturing the mood correctly, Christine and Blue kept looking at each other and laughing manically, and Steve kept getting beat up at school.

One day after school, the group met in Steve's kitchen for a meal of shrimp ramen and watermelon. Joe, Christine, Blue, and Kim munched happily on their chow while Jessica and Steve were pulling their hail out in frustration.

"Do we have any more ideas?" Steve asked. "It's a show about _learning_! Why can't we just teach them things?"

"We've already taught them everything!" Jessica snapped. Her hair was wild and her eyes were twitching.

"Maybe we should to an episode about pudding," Joe suggested.

He was given odd looks all around the table.

"What's so bad about pudding?" Joe asked defensively.

"Don't get so worked up," Christine said, rubbing Joe on the back. Blue glared at her. Christine glared right back.

"Kim," Jessica said in a calmer voice than she had addressed Steve with, "how the last episode coming along?"

Kim shook her head. "It's too hard to do without Ashley. She always did the audio and I did the visual."

"Where is Ashley?" Steve asked.

Everyone but Christine and Blue found themselves thinking the same question.

"She probably realized that she was going to be out of a job and scrammed," Christine said holding back a laugh.

The group spent the rest of the evening pondering over episode ideas and puzzling over the computer when it came time to edit the _Paprika Comes to Town_ episode. After that was over, everyone went home but Jessica. She and Steve went into the backyard to talk business.

"There's something you're not telling us," Steve said.

Jessica nodded. She handed Steve a ripped up envelope. Steve smiled when he realized Mail Box must have gotten a hold of it before his friend had pulled it out.

Steve opened it with shaking hands. The letter on the inside had a fancy letter head with an American flag and five different seals under the flag.

_Dear Steven Burns,_

_I am writing to you now to say that you have been chosen for the draft that is now in session. _

_As you are most likely aware, our _great_ president _George W. Bush_ has declared a war against the penguin menace in Antarctica. You should consider it a great honour to be one of our "men in green" fighting the flightless terrorists._

_You are to report to a physical examination within one week of receiving this letter. Your doctor will send us the proper information, then we will determine whether or not you are to be selected for our nation's army. If you do not receive a letter of acceptance or rejection within two weeks after visiting your physician, call the number below._

_God Bless America,_

_General Sam Brown_

_President of the U.S. Army Recruiting Office_

Steve's hands began to shake violently when he was done reading the letter. Jessica just shook her head and muttered cuss words.

"What are we going to do?" Steve asked to no one in particular.

"I don't know," Jessica answered. "Maybe we could find a guest host to take your place for a while. We could make a special out of it or something. The kids'll go crazy over it."

Steve looked at his friend in shock and disgust.

"I'm going to _war_ and all you can think about is your precious show! You are sick! _Do you hear me?_ Sick!"

Jessica looked at Steve dumbfounded.

"Steve, you aren't, 'going to war.' You are going to freeze your ass off in the South Pole for a few month, and rough up a few penguins. I hardly call that 'war'."

"Well it's still fighting!" Steve argued stubbornly.

While Jessica and Steve argued with each other in the back yard, Joe sat in the thinking chair huddled up with his stuffed duck.

"I hate it when they fight," he whispered to the duck.

Afraid and alone, Joe cried his self to sleep with only his duck for company.

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**AN: I apologize for the major suckiness of this chapter. It's filler, so it really doesn't matter. The next chapter will be BIGGER, BADDER, and UNCUT!**


	5. The Plot Twist

**Chapter Five**

**As you all know, I do not own Blue's Clues. I have already disclaimed that. The thing I am disclaiming now is the fact that I do not hold claim to any copyrighted ice cream flavour names mentioned in this chapter (don't ask!). I don't own Play-Doh either.**

It began in a dream. As usual, Joe was dreaming happily about ice cream and squares prancing proudly in the meadow. Sitting in the thinking chair (which was in the meadow as well) were Joe and his duck, Boris.

"Joseph," said King Rocky Road in a rough, but kind voice, "As you are aware, my daughter, Princess Turtle Tracks, is searching for a perfect suitor…"

Joe's attention was drawn to a pink bowl of ice cream with a spoon that changes colour according to the temperature of the food.

"I think she should wear a dress, not a _suit_," Joe said to the king in a giggly voice.

"Not that kind of _suitor_," the king said in the same giggly voice. "It is time for her to get_ married_."

At the word, 'married,' Joe's eyes lit up. He and Boris looked at each other in amazement.

"Will there be cake! And games! And an old guy who keeps talking and talking while you are wiggling in that very uncomfortable pew trying to hold back your pee? I can't wait!"

The king smiled.

"That is good because you are going to marry her."

Joe's smile disappeared. He could feel his face flush as Princess Turtle Tracks walked up to him. The light around the two paled, and sparkles, bubbles, and classical music came out of nowhere.

He leaned in for a kiss when…

"JOE!" Steve screamed from the bathroom.

Joe looked around to find himself (and Boris) on the top bunk of a race car bunk bed. He smiled when he realized that his _mommy_ must have carried him in there.

"Good morning, pal," Joe said to the duck.

"Joe!" Steve screamed again.

Joe sighed as he carefully climbed down the ladder.

"Maybe next time, Princess Turtle Tracks."

Joe realized as soon as he walked into the living room that something was wrong. A quick glance at the chair cushion told all.

"You _whizzed_ on the _Thinking Chair_," Steve screamed.

Joe began to tear up. He couldn't help that it was a hobby of his to urinate on furniture. Call it a passion, but he loved it. Why couldn't his brother understand?

_He'll never understand_, Joe though grimly. It was then that he knew what he had to do.

"I **_HATE_** you," Joe said to Steve in a dark voice.

Without wasting a minute, Joe ran into the bedroom, threw an unmatching pair of shoes, a few tubs of Play-Doh, and fifty-seven cents into his race car book bag. He put Boris's sweater on, and ran out of the house.

"The streets are a cold, cruel place," he told Boris as soon as they were in front of Mrs. Humphrey's house. "You are lucky that you have a smart guy like me to take care of you."

As soon as Joe opened his mouth to say something else, a water balloon hit him. He looked to see Bob and his friends with a laundry basket full of water balloons.

"No thanks, guys," Joe said with a smile. "I took a bath last month."

Suddenly, Joe was hit by a barrage of water balloons.

"You dork," Bob laughed, "why don't you go back and work on that stupid show of yours?"

"I can't," Joe said with a tear forming in his eye. "We…we're being cancelled and Steve's going to war in Antarctica!"

For a moment, the football players looked at each other confused, then they burst out laughing. Joe was heartbroken. His only brother was going to a _very_ dangerous war, and all they could do was laugh. They didn't even care that the show was going to be cancelled either!

Joe reached into his bag, and pulled out a tub of blue Play-Doh. Without losing a second of time, Joe threw the tub at Bob's head. Bob fell over unconscious. Joe gasped.

_I killed someone,_ he thought miserably. _Oh blubber-cloud kitty cat, I _killed_ someone_!

Joe held onto Boris with all of his might as he ran down the street.

At lunchtime, the gang met in Steve's kitchen for yet another meeting. Jessica told them all that Steve had to leave for the army. There were tears, and jeers, but no smiles.

"We'll all miss Steve," Jessica said, "but this is a business. We need a new host."

"Why should we even bother?" asked Kim. "Our show's going to be cancelled any way."

"We can't give up," Jessica said, her voice booming with pride. "We are not going to let something as small as total network cancellation take us down. We are young, we are talented, we are resourceful, and we are going to make this work!"

Steve balled his fist up and punched the air (_a power-to-the-people sign_). "I think we can do this, guys. Who's with us?"

Jessica and Steve put their hands together. Kim put her hand in too. After a few seconds, Blue and Christine put their hands together.

"We are going to _so_ do this," Steve said happily.


	6. It's Almost Time For The Climax!

**Chapter Six**

**A/N: There is something that is beginning to concern me. The last time I checked my fanfic, I found that I had a grand total of 24 reviews. That is a fair number of reviews for someone who took a seven month break in the middle of her fanfiction, but when reading my stats something began to concern me. I have had over 600 hits. That means over 500 of you guys are too lazy to give me a review. Do you have any idea how sad this makes me??? Read and review pleeze. I will be soooooooooo happy. Thank you; that will be all.**

The kids went home to break open their penny banks for every bit of collected allowance they had saved up. When they met together, they had a grand total of seventeen dollars and ninety-seven cents.

"To the dollar store!" Steve said as he charged down the road on his bicycle. His friends hopped on their bikes and followed him.

"Bark, bark, bowr!" Blue barked happily from Steve's open backpack. Everyone was in a good mood after the gang had made their dynamic plan.

When the gang got to the dollar store, they bought all of the poster boards, glittery markers, glue, and juice boxes they could afford. After they had their purchases paid for and secured in their backpacks, they raced back home. They only had a few days to make it work, and they were not going to let any time slip through their fingers.

Times were bad for Bob. In his freshman year, he had been diagnosed with Bullyitis, a deadly disease that made him become a jock, beat up nerds, and date as many girls as he could find. The doctor had said that the Bullyitis symptoms would fade away as Bob grew older, but the opposite had happened. Bobbert had become a super-bully who picked on anyone without big breasts and a letter on their jacket.

At first, Bob did not want to be a bully, but as time went by, he began to enjoy picking on others. By his sophomore year, Bullyitis was in its fifth stage. In just two more stages Bob would be labelled as a _terrorist_.

Bob was thinking about the disease when his doctor looked at the "bully" tag written on his chart, and ran out of the hospital with a yellow stain in his scrubs. A few minutes later, every doctor in the hospital had gotten together in the faculty staff room to play an intense game of rock/paper/scissors to see who would have to treat the bully.

The losing doctor walked into the room with his knees knocking and the clip board shaking in his hand.

"S-s-s-s-s-s-so, you s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-suffering f-from a concus-s-s-s-s-sion, eh?" the doctor stuttered.

Bob nodded.

"D-d-d-do you r-remember what h-h-h-h-h-h-h-happened?" the doctor asked.

"No."

The doctor wrote something down on the clip board.

"I g-g-g-g-guess you can see you v-v-v-visitors now."

At that, the doctor ran like hell out of the room, leaving Bob alone until his friends came in.

"I can't believe that happened," said Preppy Whorerson, Bob's girlfriend.

"Yeah, and I still can't believe _how_ it happened," agreed Jock Strappe, Bob's best friend.

Bob rubbed the white bandage on the side of his head. Under the bandage, he was sure there was a big, black bruise.

"What happened? Every keeps talking like I just got into a car accident or something." Bob mumbled. He was still weak after the 'incident.'

Preppy and Jock looked at each other, playing a mental game of rock/paper/scissors to see who had to give Bob the bad news. It was a brutal battle, but Preppy ended up kicking Jock's ass with a rock-fake-it-to-scissors move.

Being the loser, Jock walked up to his friend's bed to tell him the bad news. As he told him that it was Joe (of all people) who up him in the hospital with Play-Doh (of all weapons), a man who had just got shot by a stripper was playing a sad song on a kazoo. (**A/N: Is that dramatic or what??)**

Bob shook his head. Could it be true? Could that freak of a teenager, Joe, put _him_ in the hospital? There was only one though that Bob liked to linger on. That thought involved Joe, Steve, that crazy _blue-spaniel_, and ever other freak in the little group _they_ had in a cold pool of blood.

Using Steve's grandma's boyfriend's husband's uncle's niece's mother's brother's life-partner's elderly lover's grandson's table, the gang was able to set up a try-out stand in the park. At first no one came, but when Kim came by with a few bags of Skittles the crowd swarmed in.

Most of the peopled interviewed were just a bunch of crappy actors who just wanted attention. In fact, that was all there was. By sunset, the gang was sad because everyone they interviewed had failed all four tests: acting on set, drawing in a _very_ handy notebook, singing pointless songs, and interacting with a blue puppy.

_Is there anyone out there who has the stones to take my place?_ Steve though just before the sounds of a toy banjo caught his ear.

Steve and friends followed the sound of the music until…..

**To be continued!!!**


	7. Krazy with a capital K

**Chapter Seven**

**I still don't own Blue's Clues, in case you're wondering.**

A young boy and his duck were sitting on the street corner. The duck had a bandana on, attempting to be a thug, while the boy played songs on his plastic guitar and collected change in one of those crazy rainbow beanies with a propeller that serves no purpose.

No one paid attention to the sad songs the boy sang, but that did not stop them from dropping nickels and pennies into his beanie.

By lunchtime, Joe and Boris had collected enough money for two Happy Meals. Giggling with the pride of their own accomplishment, the two sat down in McDonald's munching happily on French fries.

"What should we do now?" Joe asked Boris.

"Go home?!" Joe exclaimed after the duck answered him. "Steve doesn't want to see me. He doesn't want a brother any more. Maybe he wants a sister. NO BORIS!!! I'm not dressing in _drag_! Not again!"

Boris drooped his head.

"That's okay, little buddy. Maybe on Thanksgiving, but now we have a major crisis on our hands."

Boris agreed.

"We need a place to stay for the night. The hotel down the corner costs only twenty five bucks a night. If I sing a little more, and you scare people with your stone-cold gangster attitude, we should have enough."

At that, Boris produced a bunch of bling and a fake grill for his beak.

"That is strait up pimpin' homey." Joe said to Boris.

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The streets were rough on Joe and Boris. They were mugged three times, first by a group of teenagers, the second time was by a kindergartener, and the last time was by the kindergartener again.

By the end of the day, the only had a few cents. That was not nearly enough for a room!

"What are we going to do?" Joe pleaded, looking to Boris for wisdom.

After looking into Boris's plastic, black eyes, Joe began drooling. He felt like he was flying away, somewhere that he did not have to worry about a place to sleep, when he was going to eat, and if the Shadow Demon was going to try to eat his soul again.

Joe stopped floating with a sudden jerk.

_Where am I?_ Joe asked his self.

_You know exactly where you are,_ Said a deep yet kind voice.

_Who are you and what are you doing in my head?!_

_I am Boris, your best friend._

_Boris?_

_Yes._

_What are you doing in my happy place?_

_You need help, Joseph. I am the only one who can help you now._

Joe looked in awe at the duck that came out of the sparkly mist. He looked like Boris, but there was something different about him. Boris was wearing a neon orange robe, he had a very long and skinny, gray moustache that dragged on the cloud like floor, and he had wisdom in his squinted eyes beyond that of the ordinary plushy.

_Joseph, you have done some terrible things,_ Sensei Boris began.

Joe bowed his head. He remembered how he killed Bob only a few hours ago.

_Do not shed tears over deeds that can not be undone, young grasshopper. You suffer now because you must pay for your crime._

Joe nodded in pouting agreement.

_There is time to repent._

_But how do I do that, Sensei Boris?_

_You must sing a song that comes deep from your heart._

_Deep from my heart?_

_Deep from your heart._

With a wave of his wing, Sensei Boris sent Joe back to his normal body.

"What did he mean by 'deep from my heart'?" Joe asked his self as soon as he was back on Earth.

He did not have to thing on that long for the answer was right in front of him. Joe picked up his plastic guitar, and began strumming. Soon he began singing. At first his voice was soft and raspy, but soon it became powerful.

"I like my numbers, and my abc's, but thing that gets me are red, yellow, and green."

"Yeah, I'm a colours man, I'm a colours maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Marry a crayon, that's my plan, 'cause I'm a colours man."

Out of nowhere, some crazy backup singers came and added a few "doo wap shoo wap's" and "oooooooooooooooooooh laaaa ooooooooooooooooh's". Joe didn't notice though. He was too busy singing his heart out.

"Now you may think black is whack, or maybe that blue is you, but if pink is what you think then……….."

The backup singers and the newly formed audience waited apprehensively while Joe took a breath.

"You're a colours man! You're a colours maaaanaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!!! Take everything else and fry it in a pan because we're all a colours man!!!! A colours man (doo wap, shoo wap) a colours man (doo wap, shoo wap) a colours….MAN!!!!"

Girls crowded around Joe and Boris, each one inviting him to their houses, but they were not successful. Joe was not that kind of guy.

"Ladies, ladies," Joe said to them, "there's enough of Joe and Boris to go around."

"JOSEPH!!!!!!!!" a familiar voice called. It was old lady Fortson.

"Yes, Miss Fortson," Joe said in a polite voice that he just _knew_ his mommy would be proud of.

"Would you like a cat?"

"Ummmmm………" Joe began. He knew that Miss Fortson was the crazy cat lady for the surrounding eight counties. Taking a free cat from her seemed like taking free crack from a crazy crack lady.

"Take this one," she said, shoving a blue tabby kitten in his face.

"Let me go, you crazy mother fu--" the kitten screamed, but his cries were cut off when Miss Fortson buried his face in her wrinkly, saggy, old, smelly chest.

"His name is Periwinkle," Miss Fortson whispered to a now terrified Joe.

"My name is Adam!! _A-dam_!!!!!!!!!" the kitten mumbled from his eighty years of gravitational pull induced hell.

"Sounds like someone needs a nap," Miss Fortson said to Periwinkle (or Adam, if you prefer) in a matter-of-factly voice.

"Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't wanna a nap!!!!!!!!!!! I don't wanna nap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the kitten screamed, but it no use.

"That was weird, random, and pointless all at once," Joe said to Boris.

Boris agreed.

Joe noticed that the crazy cat lady had done something good. She had scared off all of the crazy girls and back-up singers who had crowded around he and Boris. The only thing he saw was something he wished he had never seen.

"Steve," Joe said in his 'man voice.'

"Joe," Steve said in an equally manly voice.

For a moment, all the brothers did was glare at each other, but soon they gave in to a big, brotherly hug.

"You've got to let me go, Steve. I did something awful." Joe said.

Before, Joe could tell his brother and friends about the terrible deed he had done, a car pulled up beside them.Both of people in the car (there were only two, but the way) were dressed in a black robes and hoods so that the gang did not know who they were. The heavily muscled one picked up a water balloon, and threw it at Steve. He missed and hit Kim.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! GET IT OFF, GET IT _OFF_!!!!!!!!!" Kim screamed as she clawed at her face.

After a few seconds of clawing at her face, Kim fell to the ground in a bloody, pulpy, kinda creepy looking mound. Kim was DEAD. **(A/N: That's what you get for saying my hair looks like a mop, Kimberly!!!!!!!!)**

The remaining members of the gang looked horrified at their dead friend as the two robed murderers stepped out of the car.

One cracked his knuckles while the other flicked a cigarette butt on the pavement. The gang may have been dull-witted, but they knew when someone wanted to kick their asses. Without waiting for another person to die, the group scattered, and sprinted down the neightborhood.

**This is important, and I mean IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!! Contrary to popular belief, Steven Burns is NOT dead!!! Just visit his web site on **** or look him up on wikipedia!!! I am SOOOOOOOOO happy!!!!!!!! EEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (my smiley army)**


	8. dotdotdot

**Chapter Eight**

**Author's Note: This is the second to last chapter in the _Back in da Days_ saga. Writing it was not hard since _no_ talent or literacy skills were needed whatsoever. The hardest parts were making up weird and random things to do. _SMILES!!!_**

**I shall no longer linger here on the author's note. Let chapter eleven begin!!!**

**Disclaimer:**

**I own nothing copyrighted, patented, or buried in a chest.**

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The gang decided to split up as the car and the cloaked riders chased them. Jessica, Joe, and Boris took off in one direction while Steve, Christine, and Blue ran off in another.

The cloaked duo did not hesitate when the group split. They did a sharp turn left, chasing after Joe, Boris, and Jessica.

The three panted and gasped as they ran to the only place they thought to be safe.

"There it is!!!" Joe screamed and pointed at their goal. Boris and Jessica followed Joe's finger, running as fast at they could to the only place they could get away from the cloak-wearing, acid balloon throwing, high-speed driving people…..things.

"Hurry!" Joe cried as all three of them dove under the sacred jungle gym of the Happyville Park.

"We should be safe here," Joe said to Jessica and Boris.

Jessica grabbed Boris and hugged him. "It's okay, buddy. Don't be scared."

At the sight of Boris crying, Joe began crying too. When Joe and Boris started crying, Jessica let loose and cried too.

"I just came to terms with my brother, and now this!!!" Joe bawled. "This is _insane_!!! I work and I work, and for what? To have a bar of _soap_ make more money that me? At this rate, I'll never make it to kickboxing college!"

"College?" Jessica asked as she whipped the tears out of her eyes.

"All I've ever wanted to do was entertain, and now I'm going to get murdered under the happiest place on Earth by two people I never met before!"

"Oh, but you have…" said a voice from beside the tunnel slide.

"But….you…" Jessica said.

"It can't be!" Joe screamed.

They both looked to Boris for some suspenseful dialogue, but he was too occupied being inanimate.

The person beside the tunnel slide walked out of the shadows, followed by his accomplice. They were the cloaked people who had killed Kim. The first flicked it's cigarette on the ground and stomped it out. The pulled her hood back to reveal………………... (sorry, the period button was stuck…or was it?)…………. Ashley!

"Ashley!" Jessica screamed, "Do you have any idea what I had to go through when you disappeared."

"Frankly, I really don't give a flying flip," Ashley began, but she was unheard by Jessica as she a pulled a portable DVD player out of her pocket. The pressed play and...

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**Jessica's Day Covering for Ashley**

Jessica was skipping down the side walk, picking flowers, and singing some song about crayons. A boy stepped out in front of her, and smiled.

"Hey, do have you seen Ashley? She borrowed a manga from me and—"

"Ashley?!" Jessica snapped. "Ashley who? I know no Ashley. You're crazy, you're _crazy_! Come on, like _I _know an _Ashley_. Psh, weirdo."

(later)

A teacher is sitting in her peaceful and happy class, taking role.

"Carol?"

"Here."

"Bobby?"

"Here."

"Gee' Hahd?"

"Habla-blahabla Bla'bloo!!!!"

"Ashley?"

Jessica burst through the door.

"Ashley's not here right now. Please leave a message after the tone. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jessica ran around the room, throwing around paper, ripping books, and eating everyone's sweatshirts.

"I'm touching all the candy!" Jessica sang as she ran out of the class.

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Ashley and the still cloaked comrade looked at each other, opened their mouths to say something, and then closed them because mere words could not cover what just happened.

"Jessica…" Ashley began, "did you actually take the time to edit that, because there were transitions and everything."

Jessica nodded. "I have special features too. Ya know, deleted scenes, previews of up-coming shows, cast and crew interviews, the history of the colour octagon..."

"Right….how about we reveal the last cloaked figure before we get pointlessly distracted again."

Ashley signaled the accomplice, and he took off his hood. It was Bob. **(A/N: surprised? Neither am I.)**

"Zombie!!" Joe screamed, (remember, he still thought that he killed Bob).

"Don't be ridiculous, Joe." Jessica said. "Bob _can't _be a zombie."

"Oh, but I am." Bob said in a creepy voice.

At that, Bob picked up Boris, ripped his head off, and ate his insides.

Joe screamed like a girl.

"Come off it," Jessica said, "just because you ate a duck raw, doesn't make you a zombie. Heck, Chinese people eat ducks all of the time."

"Chinese!!" Joe screamed.

Ashley ignored him, and began her long, villainous speech.

"For years, I have been forced to hang out with you losers, and work on that stupid show. I tried to keep from murdering you all in you sleep, but as the years went by, my patience waxed."

"You mean, _waned_." Jessica cut in. "_Waxed_ means to _grow_, and _waned_ means to _shrink_. If I know you, your patience and the word 'waned' goes together like Lance Bass and hair gel."

"_As_ I was saying, I tried my best to keep my temper until I found myself cornered my two sandbox toys trying to be assassins."

Joe and Jessica both gasped.

"You must have _killed_ Shovel and Pail," Jessica said sadly.

Joe nodded. "She watches _Ghost in the Shell_. She knows what she's doing."

Jessica stood up bravely. "Well, I watch _Spongebob Squarepants_ and I'm going to karate chop your ass!"

"Do it," Ashley said, blandly.

Jessica shrunk back. She was not as good as the sponge.

"Just what I though."

"Now," Bob said, "now for revenge!"

Ashley and Bob took a few slow steps forward.

"Don't worry, boys," Jessica said to Joe and Boris, "something is about to happen in our favour."

"Why do you say that?" asked Joe.

"Because, this is just the suspenseful part that happens before we get saved. Usually, something that the bad guys mentioned earlier in the adventure will show us their weakness."

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"I can't remember anything like that," Joe said quietly.

"Damn," Jessica sighed. "Guess we should run or something."

"Sounds good."

Jessica bolted out from the jungle gym with Joe not far behind.

"Ya know," Jessica puffed as they ran, "I never would have seen this coming. Our best friend joining hands with the jockiest jock in all of Jocksville just to kick our asses."

Joe nodded. "If only we knew their weaknesses. If only we knew how to stop them before we're all late for supper. It's spaghetti night, Jessica. I just can't miss it."

"We have to find a way to stop them. We have to." Jessica said. She thought for a moment…a long moment, before it came to her.

"I have a way," she said slyly.

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Bob and Ashley rounded the corner in the park just as Jessica jumped out from behind a tree with a gun. In only four shots, she was able hit both Bob and Ashley in vital places. Ashley fell to the ground fast, but Bob decided to make it dramatic.

Bob fell to his knees, and raised his fist to the heavens. "Bullets…my only weakness…how did they know?!"

Bob clutched his heart, and fell face down in the dirt. It happened in slow motion, of course.

"Welppers, that's that," Joe sighed.

Jessica nodded. " 'That's that'."

Joe turned to Jessica. "What do we do now?"

Jessica smiled warmly and patted Joe on the shoulder.

"We live on, Joe. We live on."

**A/N: Damn, I love that ending…although it is not the ending. Yeppers, there's more crap on the way! Fwahahahaha!!!!!!!!!**


	9. epilogue

**Epilogue**

**Disclaimer: Two words: Fan. Fiction**

Things kind of simmered down after the deaths of Ashley and Bob. Joe and Steve's brotherly relationship became stronger than ever, Kim mourned over Ashley, but got distracted by a shiny penny, and forgot all about her, Christine and Blue decided that the only way to see who was deserving of Joe's heart was through a kickboxing match. Christine won because…well…_human_, duh!

The group met together less and less as the weeks went by. Eventually, the didn't meet together at all until one day where they found themselves gathered together at a bus station.

"Make us proud," Jessica said to Steve, who was in his army outfit.

Joe, Christine, and the rest hugged Steve goodbye before he got on the bus. They all stood on the sidewalk, watching the bus go out of view. Each was remembering memories of the past.

"I'm gonna miss him," Joe said in a soft voice. No one said anything because they were all feeling the same thing.

In fact, they were so lost in sadness that it did not surprise them when Christine began singing.

"Nah-na, nah, nah. Nah-na, NAH, NAH," she began softly then began belting as her friends joined in.

"Hey, hey, hey! Goodbye."

The gang continued the song even as they went their separate ways home.

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Things eventually got better. After fighting off a serious addiction to Lays potato chips, Jessica got a letter from Nick jr. studios requesting twenty-two more episodes of Blue's Clues. All of the remaining crew came back, except for Steve. It took a while, but eventually they found someone who was perfect to take his place; his little brother. Joe even shared the spotlight with his duck, Boris, who had fully recovered from his head being ripped off.

As for Steve, there were a lot of rumors spread about him. Some said that he became addicted to heroin and died, some said that he went to college, and other believed that he joined a band called "The Dust Bunnies." The strange thing, is that the truth was leaked out many time, but never believed. Who would believe that, sweet, naive Steve was in charge of killing off Penguinese insurgents?

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Steve walked down the a snow pass, trying his best not to fall on the ground and make a snow angel. He was an army man now; there was no time for fun, only work. If he was to be faulty, the entire operation would go down the drain.

"Niner, niner, sixty-two B. This is poptart master. What's your 10-4? _Over_." Steve's general said into his walkie-talkie.

The walkie-talkie hissed and whistled before the other person was able to reply.

"Poptart master, this is sugardaddy62. My 10-4 is near the pointy ice thing that looks like a dolphin kinda if you squint."

The general nodded to his troops. Steve's heart took a leap. Any second now he would be facing the enemy he had been trained to fight. The flightless menace would be taken down by his hands today. He was going to be a hero.

There was a moment where everything was silent except for the breathing of the troops and the footsteps of the penguins coming out of the ice cave in front of them.

The troops positioned their guns on their shoulders, and rested their twitching fingers on the triggers. The general lifted his hand in the air, signaling the troops to hold their fire until the penguin army came into view.

"Make America proud, boys," the general said before he gave the signal to fire.

The battle was long and hard. Many of the penguins were taken out, but more than half of Steve's regiment was lost. Still, they battled with all of their heart until the general told his troops to retreat.

Steve shoved his gun under his arm as he ran away from the shower of snow balls that followed him. The snow and ice crunched under his boots as he followed his general until…

"Ahhhhhh!" Steve screamed as a snowball hit him on the head, knocking him down.

Penguin soldiers quickly gathered around him with their snowballs ready. The penguin general put one foot on his chest and pulled a snowball out of his pouch with his wing. Steve braced his self for the attack. He knew was a man, and he was ready for anything.

**--END--**


End file.
